mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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