i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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