wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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