she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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