He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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