She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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