So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
