You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are we still banned from the library?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
