Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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