I need help removing her.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
