You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
