You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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