I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
