I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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