Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
