I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
