I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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