look no pants
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
