That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize