Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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