I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
