SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
