This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
