I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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