Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
