Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
