Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
