i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
