after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
