Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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