i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
