I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
