Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
