We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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