By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have already put on my inside pants.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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