if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
