Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
