thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize