Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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