You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
