But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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