So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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