I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
