Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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