i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
