Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
