On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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