My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
