i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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