D3 body, D1 cock
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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