i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
