all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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