he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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