She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
