FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
