I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
