proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
