Having a random hookup so left but love u
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
