Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
