i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
