My nipple is on Facebook.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
