Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
