i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
