I accidentally had phone sex last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize