Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
