Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
