apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize