Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
